DruuunK D&ddieS
by ThatOneTard
Summary: DruuunK D&ddieS: a collection of humorous (albeit hastily written) one-shots, making fun with the Naruto universe after war. This time? What happens when a storm comes raging in in the middle of a mission and the only safe shelter to take is Orochimaru's place? Chaos results. And intoxication. All Sasuke wanted was a quick mission...(T for drinking and…er, very suggestive themes.)
1. Kiss With a Fist

_DO NOT take this hastily written gunk/fluff seriously. I was super bored…So without further ado, a one-shot that has no depth or death in it. ^.^ Mild violence and…er, slight innuendo, cuz I couldn't resist. And I guess some drama. But. This was simply my way of venting/having fun at the time._

 _And yes, apparently Kishi managed to wrap the whole Gaiden thing up pretty fast…so this comes WAY too late. Blame my slow writing. And listening to the GOG Awesome Mix Vol 1 on Youtube. :3_

 _ **Theme song? Kiss With a Fist :3**_

_-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-_

 **DruuunK D _&_ ddie$**

 _ **DISCLAIMER: I do not own characters or take any credit for them. They are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and Shueisha**_

"You seriously need to talk to your daughter," he complained, unrolling his sleeping bag out onto the cold, dark grass. The clearing was lit only by moonlight and the campfire his friend had put together only a few minutes ago. It was unbelievable how fast night had come. Or maybe the change in lighting just struck him so much after spending so much time in the office.

Back to the window, papers piled sky high. Inbox flashing. Day in. Day out…Ugh.

He had nearly forgotten what camping out was like. Man, Hokage duties outside the office was seriously nice for a change.

His jerk of a friend (and this is being nice) merely replied with his trademark "Hn" and continued fumbling through his pack. He seemed to be looking for something….

"I'm being serious man," Naruto said, pointing to the sleeping bundle of pre-teen angst snoozing a few feet from them with her tubby friend. "She's _freaking_ out. Sakura was just kidnapped—heck, she's doubting if she's even her ma, and then there's you who she's just met. That's pathetic man. I know you're on this important mission and all but would it have _killed_ you to introduce yourself to your daughter when she was younger? And not only that, but did you have to be so clueless that you even held her at _sword_ point?! I mean, geez!"

Sasuke paused his search to glance at the two sleeping children. "Let me guess. That one's the fatty Chouji's?" he asked, referring to the dark-skinned Chocho.

Naruto rolled his eyes at the attempt to change the subject. _Typical_. "Uh-huh. She's…I don't know what she's doing here honestly."

"Why's she…"

Dark skin wasn't a common trait in Konoha and her father was obviously of pale pigmentation.

"That one chick in the Cloud," Naruto said, voice hinting at a very subtle underlay of bitterness, one no one else would have been able to detect. Sasuke smirked, knowing his friend all too well.

"The one who beat you to a bloody pulp?"

"You heard about that!?" the disturbed blond exclaimed, his cheeks reddening.

" _Please._ When someone's my target, I make it my business to know things. Besides, letting her sit on and beat you was stupid. What an idiot. If anything I got a good laugh hearing about it."

"Hah, as if you were even capable of laughing," Naruto growled. _And what's he mean by a target? Cripes. He toppled me once!_

Smirking still, Sasuke turned back around to rummage through his pack and missed the Finger pointed at him.

(Had the kids been awake, Naruto would have refrained himself from the old habit.)

"And, really, what about Sarada?" Naruto said. (Lowering his swathed hand back down.) "When ya gonna talk to her?"

"Why's it your concern?"

"'Cuz I'm _Hokage_ and it's my _duty_. Not to mention our families are…linked. Old friends. Part of the same team. Take your pick."

"Don't pull that crap on me," Sasuke snapped.

"Okay," Naruto groaned. "I just… _feel_ for her. I mean, I know she's has Sakura but…She needs _both_ of her parents."

"If I abandon my mission there won't be any more families." Typical of him. Excuses, excuses.

"But Sasuke, what about now!? You're here. She's here. _Talk_!"

Sasuke turned his head, staring at him with a scorning look. "Keep shouting and you'll wake her, idiot."

 _Whoops._ That's right. It _was_ the middle of the night.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. When the metallic screwing of a bottle lid sounded, he glared. Apparently Sasuke found what he had been looking for.

" _Really!?"_ Naruto demanded. "REALLY!?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, sipping his drink. No, sipping's not the right word. He _chugged_ it.

Glaring still, Naruto yanked the bottle of alcohol from him. A few years back it finally hit him that his old friend partook in one of the three shinobi prohibitions. Just _one_ , but one Naruto had always refrained from. (As for women and him and gullibly loaning money…That thankfully ended after his homecoming from his training with Jiraiya.).

Sasuke on the other hand had apparently picked and kept his bad habit up around his younger teen years. _No wonder he was always cranky in the morning._

"Geez, do you always drink at night?" Naruto asked, suddenly enlightened on a few blowups back in the old days. (Never wake an Uchiha. Ever.)

"Give it back," the Uchiha demanded, his only hand reaching for the bottle. Naruto was going to consider his reaction a "yes".

Instead of doing as asked, the blond stepped back. "No!" he said, before giving the bottle a better look. The liquid was crystal clear. "What is this stuff anyways?"

Some part of him, a very dumb part that was in no ways actually being serious, entertained the idea that it could just be water. Water was after all one of the best liquids one could drink, the most vital ingredient in life and the focal point of survival, and Sasuke was a nut for perfection when it came to his body.

Not waiting for an answer, Naruto took a small sip and…

Coughed, nearly spitting it out. Whoo. Definitely not water. Water didn't make his mouth and throat burn. Not to mention it didn't taste like straight up alcohol and nothing else. This was _fire_ water all the way.

He grimaced. He could friggin _feel_ it in his chest. Traveling down like acid. He shuddered. " _Wow."_

Sasuke smirked. "Over Ninety."

Not knowing what that meant exactly, Naruto shrugged his shoulders, taking another sip, this one bigger than the last. Then coughed again. Ugh.

Sasuke shook his head. "You going to give it back now?"

Not for any particular reason, the Hokage shook his head 'no'.

Without so much of a warning a black eye flashed red.

Subsequently, the bottle hit the ground in less than a millisecond.

"Kami! Don't get so serious!" Naruto complained, turning his head to avoid the Sharingan eye that would no doubt leave him writhing in a world of pain. Had Kurama been awake, he wouldn't even have bothered.

"Then stop bugging me," Sasuke growled, picking the bottle up. Sipping it, he leaned back into a tree, relaxing himself in its protective bark. Years of being on different missions outside Konoha had really… _changed_ him. Though he still could conjure an intense atmosphere with a single fierce gaze, when not in battle he seemed to be… _at peace_. Free from any burden. Well almost.

Even when relieved of so much of the past, there were now episodes of the present and the future. There would always be Sakura, his inability to surrender to _that_ domestic life again after so long, the fear that it could be destroyed all over again before him, helpless to stop it, his daughter, to do what his family stopped being able to do for him on that fated night; maintaining peace, watching over Orochimaru…and his old guilt. There was a reason why he never got his left arm taken care of when Naruto did his right.

Naruto suspected that deep down, at the time it was Sasuke's way of punishing himself for that final battle. And by now he had just adapted to the appendage being nothing more than a phantom limb, even though they were both at peace with things.

 _Or course he is. There was no one left for him to extract revenge from._

Sighing, Naruto couldn't help watch him. How did he manage to live on his own all this time? It was killing Sakura. And…after so much strife, _Naruto_ , a little. Of course he would never admit this out loud, let alone to Sasuke. He had on a very few occasions given in to it a little with Hinata, not wanting to confront Sakura about it. He didn't want to hurt his old friend all over again on those long nights.

 _Too many long nights in fact,_ Naruto thought. _Why can't he just stay home? Or at least stay in contact?_ On that thought, Naruto plopped himself right next to his friend and nudged him, getting his attention. "So, the current communication network we have isn't working."

Sasuke raised a brow. "You're here aren't you? The bird carrier system is fine."

"No! Get with the times, man, and get you a cell. Or a laptop, I just got one. It's unbelievable how convenient it is with communication. And fast! Maybe if you got one your mission could go faster and you could come back home sooner…Just visit a city with a signal once in a while."

"Even if I got one you'd be the first one I'd block."

"Hick!"

He hadn't said hick.

Sasuke continued sipping. His posture _ever_ relaxed, and dang he was a smooth drinker. The part of Naruto that had to find a way to beat him in all things couldn't help what came next. Gritting his teeth in frustration Naruto whipped the bottle from him and began chugging.

When he could no longer, not without spitting the mouthful out and gagging, he slammed the bottle to the ground between them. His hand cupping his mouth, he asked between stifled belches, "You remember…seeing Kakashi-sensei and Tsunade challenge each other at a game of shots that one time?"

"Did they?"

"Yeah. But you missed it…Where were you? Oh yeah, with that perv that wanted your body."

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. "And I killed him. Give me another."

"Hey, remember…Wow."

"What?"

"You really look like your brother," he said, staring dumbly at the Uchiha's hair.

"Hn."

"I guess you took care of him too…Gosh Sasuke. Everyone's just _dying_ off or changing or leaving…Man time flies. Years ago I would have never believed everything that happened would have. During the war. Now. Wow. The marriages, the funerals. The fact that we've _reached_ adulthood... Though not in one piece." He laughed at his own comment, then sobered after a minute and drawled, "Time, man. It flies like the wind. Can't catch it."

"Yeah."

Who knew he could laugh about it all now?

The minutes passed slowly as the two young men sat there. The only sounds those of rustling leaves and bugs chirping and the men's slurps and faint breathing. The passing of the bottle and "Remember whens" from Naruto as the liquid carried him further along the currents of his memory and for awhile he happily rowed, carrying the both of them.

Sasuke found it amazing an entire conversation was still going when he was only offering single-worded responses like "Hn", but again Naruto was like that. The only time he said more was when Naruto tried to shift the topic back to his daughter or wife.

"You talk too much," Sasuke said after the bottle had run out and he was finding bed very desirable. And Naruto annoying. Did he ever shut up?

"I _talk_ too much?!" Naruto demanded, words beginning to slur. "You too serious. And you know what else!? You suckkkk-a. You surk!"

"Oh?"

"I _hadlf_ you!"

Sasuke's lips curled in an amused expression. "Are you getting _drunk?"_

"Of course not!"

"How's that possible with the Kyuubi's constant healing properties?"

"HIS NAME'S KURMAMA. I mean Kurrrsome. I mean Kuurbi…Kurama, dang it. Kurama and you _will_ address him as a Kurbi."

"Your metabolism, on top his acidic chakra, would burn—"

"I don't know man. Call it _convenience_. Anyway don't you dare try talk geeky on me. And you…Howzitpossible you even…" Struggling with his slurring words Naruto gave up and held his pinky up. " _You know_." He made a little motion with his raised digit that screamed anything but a pinky promise. Repeatedly.

Sasuke twitched. "Even _what_ , Naruto?"

" _Downstairs_ , y'know. How's a stoic, emotionless, un'passionate jerk like you…even...works and actually bleeds a child?"

"Breeds, you mean?"

"Yeah, bleed."

Sasuke again didn't like where this was going. Face beginning to darken, he hissed, "Just shut up."

"Nah. You shushdup. I'm tired of picking up all the pieces! I mean earlier she was 'friggin wreck! Did you do it? NO! I ain't even her pa, man. I love her as family but you terrible."

"Naruto…" Sasuke said, his tone one of warning.

But Naruto was already on this track and was going to reach the end of it so help him. He was too drunk to know better.

"You'd think with your aban…A bandaid? No…Band…Oh! With your 'bandonment issues you'd want to do better and stay with her, unlike your dad and big bro—"

Drunk, he failed to dodge the glass bottle aimed for his head. It hit and shattered against his skull, pieces flying everywhere.

"OW!" he screamed, rushing to his feet, hands pawing at the red starting to dye his short hair.

Sasuke, too, dashed up. "You know what idiot? You _have no room to talk about me!_ I don't even have to live in the village to know _you're a failure as a father._ The first huge meeting with the Kage and what's your brat do?"

"Shuddup!"

"Desecrated the mountain, right for all the Kage to see."

"I said shuddup! You wanna know why I was late to that meeting?! I helped him clean it up! I may get busy but at least I come home at the end of the night! And you know what?" Here he crossed his arms, nose sticking up and ego flaring like a peacock. "I even made a second one!"

As if procreating was some challenge and the man who had more nights with his wife was better.

Intoxicated by the fire and rising tension Naruto raised his fist. "Think you got better? Come on!"

"You really want to do this _now_?" Sasuke hissed, his being seething in annoyance and needing to vent. A desire to move, to hit, to just get him to shut up. A buzz. "Then fine!"

Sasuke's fist sailed through the air only to be caught by Naruto's hand.

Big mistake. The Uchiha sneered, his knee sailing up and catching his opponent in the stomach. The blond doubled over, coughing. Sasuke pulled back, only to grab his weapon, his fingers gripping the hilt of his blade. He boasted. "I still don't need two hands to take you down, dobe."

"And whose fault is that? Teme." Naruto growled, getting to his feet. "If you'd never initiated it we both wouldn't have lost 'em!"

"I never told you to chase me!"

"I'll _pound_ you into the ground!" Naruto screamed. "Now come on!"

The blond rushed toward him, ramming into Sasuke's abdomen like a bull, and knocking both of them down until they were caught in a tangle of limbs punching and kicking at each other viciously in the verdant blades.

"Naruto!" The Uchiha screamed, grabbing the blond by his shoulders in attempt to flip their positions.

"Sasuke!"

One of them, it didn't matter which of the drunk daddies it was, kicked at the ground hard and the movement sent enough dirt into the fire that it smothered the light-giving flames, darkening the area. In the moonlight they fought there, the clearing filling with the sounds of their grunting, hissing, and panting as breath was lost to them there in the dirt.

Their skin becoming slick with sweat from the _ever_ hard alcohol and their petty fight, brought on simply because they were rivals. Their half-uttered drunken threats or exclamations.

"…You won't be able to move when I'm done with you…"

"Oh yeah? _Suck it_."

"Ahhh!"

It was only when Sasuke succeeded in straddling the very drunk Jinchuuriki that their short match halted immediately with a quiet giggle.

Both boys stiffened at the interruption.

Chocho, very much awake now, sat across them, munching on a bag of chips like it was popcorn and they the movie. She giggled again, a blush betraying her rather warped view of their match. "Lord Seventh, you're so awesome! Just like in the _stories_ I read."

Sasuke grimaced. Being friend to the hero and Hokage of Konoha sucked. Fame sucked.

"Uh, Naruto…" he spoke softly. " _Pound me to the ground_?"

"Oh my…." Realization dawned on Naruto.

"Perhaps we should better phrase…our threats."

"Agreed," Naruto said. "But better yet, let's save it for later."

For once, Sasuke agreed wholeheartedly and sheathed his previously fallen blade with a _clap._

"Hmmm?" Apparently the noise had roused Sarada from her slumber. With a disoriented moan she sat up and reached for her glasses. Before Naruto could move, Sasuke was there, patting her hand, causing it to pause.

"Oh… _Dad_?" She blinked, obviously struggling to see without her glasses in the night lighting. Her eyes and raven hair so much like her father's while her face was reminiscent of her mother's. The glasses? Naruto had no idea who she inherited her slightly impaired sight from. "Something going on?"

"No. Go back to sleep now. We'll reach your mom in the morning."

The young girl smiled and nodded drowsily. "Yeah…"

Watching him, Naruto nodded in approval and walked to his sleeping bag as Sasuke whispered to his and Sakura's daughter in a surprisingly soft and gentle voice, lulling her to sleep...

Listening to him, Naruto would have never believed that only minutes ago Sasuke was threatening to stab him. And actually tried to.

He sighed, remembering how he used to whisper like that to Boruto when he was just a toddler and the storms came in the middle of the night. But that was before becoming Hokage and his ever growing son graduated from the academy.

He looked to the sky, watching the bright stars. Because his son's age it was probably too late to do that to him anymore, he was too old, but Himawari was just right. He wasn't going to slack off anymore.

 _Hokage duties can just be second from now on._

It was a start.

They both had a lot to work on. But that was okay. Even as adults they were still learning. _Evolving._ That was just part of being a human.

Ugh. A drunk one. Geez, in front of the kids too. How embarrassing.

Rubbing his face Naruto quickly reflected how he would have to be sure to watch over his "niece." Sasuke would no doubt be a bit of a bad influence at times on his journey to redemption and improvement.

Meanwhile, as Naruto passed out, over on his own pallet Sasuke was thinking one thing: _Ain't no way my daughter is getting near Naruto's brat._

Sadly his wish came far too late. And there would be many more drunk daddies and nights as a result.

* * *

 _TO BE CONTINUED?_


	2. Just One Yesterday (a snake and fruit)

_A second chapter on a one-shot? Yes, as requested. I want to thank the people who took the time to review a one-shot and hopefully I can accommodate their wishes and produce more chapters in a similar fashion. This, and perhaps a few more, will all mostly be stand alones, all inevitably ending with a bottle being pulled out and reminiscing._ _Note, I have started reading some translations to some of the Hiden novels, but I've yet to watch lil' Bolt's movie with subs. So, if something is sketchy canonly, don't blame me._

_-xXx-_

 _ **DruuunK D &ddie$: Just One Yesterday Description-**What happens when a storm comes raging in in the middle of a mission and the only safe shelter to take is Orochimaru's place? Chaos results. And intoxication. All Sasuke wanted was a quick mission. Now he finds himself stuck with not only the Hokage's kid and teammates AND his WIFE, but his past connections as well. Most of which end up a bit tipsy..._

 _Warning: Characters are a bit exaggerated for comedic purposes. Also, PG-13-ish smut without the lemon much later on._

 _Also this was originally gonna be called "A Snake and Fruit" but I changed it to my current favorite song title,_ Just One Yesterday (ft. Foxes) _, ironically that has a music video that features a snake and fruit anyways XD So there._

_-xXx-_

 **DruuunK D &ddieS: Just One Yesterday**

_-xXx-_

"So," the man said coolly, ripping the lid off his yogurt. "How did you get off so easily, anyway?"

Having expected the question to come up sooner or later, Sasuke sighed, picking the connected chopsticks up. "Well, Suigetsu, thanks to Tsunade's resignation and Kakashi's promotion as the Sixth Hokage—"

"And Naruto's testimony," Sakura quickly added from beside him, snatching his chopsticks and breaking them apart for him. Even when Sasuke glared at her, she just smirked before giving them back. "Just thought I'd help."

"Don't need it," he muttered grouchily, before adding, "In any case, with both of their influences, my crimes were chalked up to multiple things. One, for most of them I was underage and therefore Konoha penned Orochimaru as responsible—"

A frustrated "Tsk" interrupted him this time. Seated across from them at the long table, Orochimaru's expression twisted with distaste. "So that explains the extra five digits in the fine I had to pay Konoha..."

Sasuke gave Orochimaru no apology, even though everyone seated at the table, with the exception of the three kids, Team Konohamaru, knew Orochimaru had been dead or not around for at least half that time, killed off by Sasuke no less. Temporarily anyways as he was once again among the living.

Suigetsu chuckled. "That would...but for the major chunk of them you were, well...well old enough."

Sasuke took a small bite of his food before continuing. "That's where the Cursed Seal comes in. Research has proven it has a...narcotic effect on its hosts."

"So, they chalked it up to you acting under its influence?" This time it was Juugo who asked.

Karin shook her head. "Figures. You _were_ practically insane back then."

On this, Sakura laughed. "Uh-huh. They chalked it up to temporary insanity too. From his traumatic experiences with Itachi."

The room went dead silent. Everyone but Sasuke and Sakura froze rigidly. After a moment of clickings, from Sasuke eating, expressionless as ever, at least half of the old Taka Team breathed sighs of relief. Apparently his wife was exempt from the Never-Speak-Itachi's-Name-Or-I-Will-Kill-You Rule.

Then came a quiet, "Who's Itachi, Uncle?" It was Boruto. He had already finished his bowl of noodles and now sat with his elbows propped on the table. Rudely. A fact that had Orochimaru frowning as he glanced at him from the corner of his eye. _Kids theses day, no manners._

Oddly enough, Sarada, who was seated next to him, properly dabbing her mouth with a napkin, answered. "That's my _real_ uncle. Idiot."

"Hey, I was just asking, no need to be a bit—"

"Boruto!" Sakura exclaimed.

"What?" he shouted back. "Dad and Uncle call each other names like that all the time! I mean, it's always " _baka_ " this, " _teme_ " that."

"Well those aren't nice names," she said, her mamma part of her taking over as she spoke matter-of-factly. "You have two good parents to teach you better. They didn't."

"You mean _one_ ," he grumbled.

"Boruto..."

Sasuke blinked, particularly displeased. Now Boruto was on the "I have a crappy old man" train it would be at least an hour before he stopped ranting.

He looked around the table, noticing how the non-Konoha residents were all listening carefully to what would no doubt end up becoming a hot topic or, at the very least, a subject of great interest. It was a shock that the Seventh Hokage's own kid had even ended up here, at his father's least favorite person's table. A fact Sasuke was planning to _not_ indulge his father on. He didn't care if he had to lie when he filed the reports later.

Spinning his soupy mixture around he closed his eyes, mentally debating on the chances of the storm that pushed them to Orochimaru's hideout letting up before the night was over. That was not likely though. He opened his eyes again, reflecting how this predicament had begun in the first place...

_-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-_

"It's looking bad," Sakura said, watching the grey clouds build up overhead, monstrously so. "A storm's coming."

Sakura was only there with them for once because of her insistence. Her pile of work lessened for once, she fought the Hokage and Sasuke on the chance to go on this mission with the latter and his temporary students, claiming not much was known about the rogues they had been assigned to hunt down and she wanted to be there in case someone got hurt. Also, some part of her was still jealous Naruto got to go on a mission with her husband and child first, at least officially

"Duh, a storm's coming." Boruto jumped from where he had been perched in a high-up tree branch. He landed in a crouch. "And its gonna wash those punks' trail away...They've already ran out our line of sight."

Sarada approached them from where she had stationed herself, nodding. "Mine as well." Her reddened eyes faded back to their usual dark color, just as Sasuke had helped guided her on only a few hours ago, coaching her in the ways of the Sharingan. "I can't see their chakra anymore."

Their third member, Mitsuki, frowned, and tuggedat Boruto's jacket sleeve from three feet away, arm outstretched with his strange jutsu. "Still haven't activated the Byakugan, have you? If I recall, its line of site goes further than the Sharingan. You could scout them out by their chakra networks."

The young blond shook his head. "Nah. Can't."

Finally Sasuke arrived. He had been a little further along in their chase. Sakura seeing him coming back, smiled, a bit relieved.

"Winds already picking up," Sakura said, nudging him, honestly happy at the chance of a prolonged mission with her husband. Such a chance came maybe once a decade, she figured. "It looks like it's going to be a nasty one and I don't want the kids catching a cold. We'll need to take shelter."

 _Just a little longer with you..._

Sasuke glanced around, knowing the medic was right. Continuing on the mission with the dark storm incoming would be the least best choice of action at this rate, but, besides the occasional tree, they were in a huge and empty plain that stretched for many miles, only a river breaking it up. (Which the super speeded Water-Style rogues that just stole important scrolls from Konoha were happily using to their advantage.) Shelter would be difficult, possible, yes, but not safe in these parts.

He knew of an underground place, though, but he wasn't exactly willing to share this knowledge, not unless he absolutely had to. But as the winds picked up, violent as a tsunami, and the rain came down in pelting torrents, and the kids struggled to walk through it all, even when being protectively flanked by him and Sakura, he gave in.

"There's a base a quarter-mile west from here."

"WHAT?!" Sakura yelled over the sounds of the thunder rumbling below like an angry beast.

"I SAID THERE'S AN UNDERGROUND BASE NEAR HERE!" he hollered, nearly muted over the sound of rain.

Sakura, obviously suspicious off the go, wanted to know the specifics but the storm wouldn't allow it so she reluctantly nodded her consent, choosing to trust her husband.

Once they arrived at the entrance, the trust left like it had been flushed down the toilet.

They were wet to the bone by the time they arrived. It appeared to be a small temple, but on very close inspection there was obvious signs of a structure protruding from the ground. Reading the kanji on the post, Sakura's eyes widened.

Sarada merely blinked, recognizing the name but not knowing much of his character. Some, of course, but not every detail.

"Children," Sakura said, ushering them closer to an overhang that would protect them from some of the rain. "Cover your ears."

"Why?"

"Just do it, okay?"

They were too wet and cold to argue or question her, so the three complied, and once they did, Sakura's lips and hands began moving fast as she spoke frantically with Sasuke, so fast Sarada could not help activating her Sharingan so she could read her mother's lips, and when she could, she was flabbergasted. Never before had her mother used so many...interesting word choices to describe a single man. It scared her a little.

Sasuke, noticing his daughter, motioned Sakura to stop and when she did, the kids lowered their hands. "We don't have any other choice. Besides, it'll be alright. Things are different now."

Sakura eyed him but give in after seeing Sarada shivering, her teeth clattering from the sudden cold. Boruto, noticing her shivers, too (and blushing a little), offered her his jacket but she rebuffed, exclaiming "It's all wet!"

Mitsuki, already knowing very well whose residence this was, beamed and said, rather cockily, "We can't make a fire and it's already evening. With night coming in fast we'll just have to use our body heat to warm eachother, I guess."

"EEWWWW! No way, man!"

"Then we go inside, or else we risk our health."

"No!"

Sasuke tapped on the stone entrance and weaved a number of seals. "We're staying. Just for as long as the storm lasts."

"Fine," Sakura growled.

"Yay!" Mitsuki added, smile widening. "I haven't seen my parent in a looooong while."

"Wait, who did you say it was again?" Boruto asked, as the stone in front of them began moving on its own by some jutsu spell.

"You'll get to see him in a minute," Mitsuki said, already rushing in. "It's rude to not greet your guests after all."

"And my child is right about that," the voice of an older man said in a way that resembled the slithering forked tongue of a snake. Only a moment later they were greeted by the site of a dark-haired person with pale skin and snake-like features, ones that resembled their oddball member of Team Konohamaru. Mitsuki ran to his side, ecstatically.

Boruto blinked, cocking his head to the side as he studied this new person closer. This so-called "Legendary Orochimaru" who certainly reflected his namesake and...

"Is that your ma or your pa?" he suddenly asked incredulously. _Seriously, I can't tell if they're a man or a chick!_

"Both," Mitsuki said, giving the old but somehow young-looking man a hug.

Sakura face-palmed, not knowing whether to get on to Boruto for speaking out so bluntly or to apologize for the fact they were even here. Yes, Orochimaru had been somewhat forgiven, somewhat, but part of her would always resent how he had been the pivot to Team 7's downfall. The beginning of her grief that had lasted for years and now she had to face him, with her _daughter_ no less. It was just asking for a disaster to happen.

"Oh Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru said with a smile. "Hurry, come in, you're soaked. I'm assuming you came here because the storm and you're very welcome to take shelter here from it. Oh, you and your team. And Sakura. It's been awhile."

"Yes," she mumbled, nervously entering the very traditionally decorated foyer along with everyone else. She didn't loathe his existence after the war, per se, it was just the fact that even after it, he still gave her the heebie-jeebies. She swore to the gods if he so much as stuck his tongue out like he used to do near Sasuke around their daughter...

"Sasuke!" It was a familiar voice. Karin's. Apparently she was here too. Then again, she and the rest of Sasuke's old team, the Taka, still worked for him for...reasons. "I thought I sensed your guys' chakra."

The woman with bright red hair glanced around at everyone, skipping over Sakura, until her line of sight was solely on Sarada. "You've gotten so big Sarada!" she exclaimed happily to Sasuke's daughter. "Last time I saw you, you were a newborn and you look just like your daddy! Anyway, I was just about to see about getting you some new glasses. I'm glad you're here."

 _Sasuke too,_ her smile seemed to say. This was very obvious.

"What!? Sas-man's here!" Two more men emerged into the foyer, joining the slowly growing group. One was a huge hulk with a friendly face, and the other was a carrier of Zabuza's sword. _Juugo and Suigetsu..._

Juugo promptly closed the thick and heavy stone entrance, sliding the stone back into place. Regardless his gentle face, his physique was one of a wrestler, allowing him to push the heavy entrance with ease. "It's good to see you've gotten out of the storm alright," he said to Sasuke once done. "It came out of nowhere..."

"Tell me about it," Karin muttered to which Suigetsu happily piped in, "But the rain's great! Makes you just wanna run around in it!"

"Of course you would say that," she growled back before she noticed a new face in the party, one she did not recognize. The kid in black, he looked familiar, his face and hair, his chakra too. Light, yet not quite the sunshine-like chakra she'd felt so long ago... "Oh!" she cried. "You! You're the Hokage's kid!"

Boruto growled, obviously not liking being recognized solely by his father.

"Name's Boruto. Like the bolt," he said, spinning his necklace, with his supposed namesake dangling along the thread, around his forefinger. "Surpassing him at only one-third his age. Who the heck are you, Four-eyes?"

"You're rude," Orochimaru said distastefully before Karin could respond. "But I guess it can't be help, your father was the same. I'm quite surprised actually. To think even that _brat_ would grow up and have a child? If you don't mind me asking, who was it again, that he married? Just curious."

"Hyuuga," Sasuke stated, feeling a bit uneasy now.

"My, my, isn't Hinabi a bit young for him?"

Boruto busted out in a fit of laughter. "Not my aunt! Hyuuga _Hinata_ , dimwit."

"Oh, Hinata as in the Hyuuga's _Heiress_?" he spoke in a manner of pure shock. Such things were unheard of in his day. But then again, it was a fast-changing world out there now.

"Not anymore."

"Oh, I see, so even the Hyuuga clan has thrown their heritage down the drain," Orochimaru replied snidely, glancing at Sasuke, obviously referring to the Uchiha clan too. "Years of tradition, in-clan marriage only and the finest breeding. My my."

Regardless his disappointment, Orochimaru glanced back to Boruto, patting his hands on the boy's shoulders, almost with anticipation. "Tell me, boy, just curious again, is it possible that you, of Senju blood, have inherited her clan's Byakugan? Now I think of it, that would make for very interesting results and potential!"

Now Sasuke definitely felt uneasy. He had suspected Orochimaru might take an interest in his daughter, not the Hokage's son. But apparently having already tried and failed in dancing with the Uchiha clan, the man was ready to move on to the next major clan's offspring.

"Uh—" Before Boruto could reply, Sasuke swiftly clamped his hand over the boy's mouth, pulling him back, away from Orochimaru. "Curiosity is what killed the cat," he spoke threateningly, voice coming out like a pointed knife. "I don't see how any of this is your business."

It was quiet for a long time, then finally Orochimaru smiled, which only made the cool temperature in the room drop further by about a hundred degrees. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, I was just asking. I've no desire to do anymore than that."

"Be sure you don't," he said, removing his hand from Boruto. Then he whispered, so quiet that only Orochimaru could hear, "Same goes for _her._ " His eyes pointed at Sarada. It was now ice-cold, the air around them ensnared in a vicious blizzard. No. _Subzero_. "You will act as a host while we wait out the storm and only as one. Do you _understand_?"

The tense atmosphere finally let up as Orochimaru let out a sigh. "Very well. I will hold back my inspirations of science. But still I _am_ interested in possible results..." He stopped short and motioned them towards a passageway, commanding Karin, "Karin, set out a meal, to celebrate Sasuke-kun and his family's visit. Wine and everything. Only the best for our guests! Juugo, bring out the table...and Suigetsu..."

He paused. Really what good was this ex-prisoner and experiment? He didn't serve for much purpose besides a guard anymore. Finally: "Find them some dry clothes and towels. They're soaked."

His smile sent a shiver down Sakura's spine. But she could certainly use a meal, as could the kids. And a drink, excluding the kids, of course. They could just drink water...Although the medic part of her would object that a sip of red wine would help wind them down and she could...She immediately pushed such thoughts aside. She _would_ get Sasuke, remind him they were married, but that would come at its own time.

 _But_ , she thought, sulkily, _it's been years since we've...And when we finish up this mission he'll just go on another one without me and then it'll be even longer..._

She glanced at his back, as they were led down a hallway. In one of its closets, the swordsman had fished out some yukatas, most were just plain genderless ones like the ones you find at hot springs. Others had patterns. It made for mess of greys, whites, and occasional color via blues and reds and a single silky pink one, which Sakura would grab.

"Here, y'all can just pick for the ones you want. You can change in the room over there, it has a bathroom in it too, and you can leave your wet clothes on the tub to dry." He looked to Mitsuki, throwing him a bulk of black fabric, a yukata. "That's for Blondie," he said. "You can get your own from your room. And take Blondie with you."

"Huh?" Boruto started to say but Mitsuki already had him by the wrist and was pulling along. "Come on! I'll show you my room! It's HUGE!"

Now two children less, the Uchiha family entered alone. Much to Sakura's dismay, Sasuke took to the bathroom, the room oh so separated from the bedroom they found themselves in. She would stay with Sarada, she guessed.

She and Sarada both quickly changed after drying off and hung their damp clothes on the bedpost.

Once done, Sarada swirled around a bit in her yukata. "Not too shabby," she said. Hers was a bit long on her and nearly drug along the floor. Still, the silky texture and dark color complimented her pale skin and dark features. "Orochimaru definitely cleaves on to traditional things, Mom. Kinda odd with all the modernization going on...Kinda leaves him further away from the rest of the world if you think about it."

"I guess so..." Sakura murmured, tying off her sash absentmindedly, wondering how Sasuke would look in a yukata.

Sarada picked her glasses up from where she had placed them on the mantle and began drying them with the edge of her sash. "But then again, some clans still have traditional components too. Like ours. I guess it's part of our heritage after all." With that said, she placed her glasses back on, blinking a few times.

 _Such a clever girl.._.Sakura smiled, then commented, "The last time I even wore a kimono was...I think it was for the Seventh's wedding. Heh, I wish I could say the same for mine."

"Did you even have one?" Sarada asked, an eyebrow arching up skeptically.

Sakura immediately hated herself for having said the last part out loud but fortunately she was saved. The doorknob to the bathroom turned, and Sasuke exited.

Sakura blushed, seeing his chest exposed from the yukata's opening. It reminded her of how he used to don his traditional style clothing while having the Cursed Seal. His yukata, now, was more simpler than the ones the girls had chosen but funnily enough, it was the piece coming off that she found herself thinking about.

How the robe would be easy to strip off, sliding right down his strong shoulders, exposing the entirety of his well-built and slightly dripping chest and—

"Sakura."

"Oh! A-all done?" she stuttered, being ripped from her fantasy. "Shall we go?"

"Yes. Mitsuki would have already taken Boruto to the dining hall." He paused briefly, his hand resting on the door frame.

"Sakura..."

"Yes?" she asked, voice shaking. Now that she thought about it, this was her first time dressed like this around him in many, many, many years. Since she was a preteen, in fact, and tried forcing him to come to a festival with her. By now she had changed from that stupid infatuated girl to a woman of maturity...Surely this kimono she had chosen would please him... Was he now going to compliment her?!

"Your yukata..."

Oh kami, he was!

"Yes?" she said, again, voice firm this time, but barely hiding her excitement. Twelve-year-old her would definitely be squealing to death by now. She had picked the lone yukata that would compliment her light hair...

"Are you dead?"

"Huh!?"

He turned his head to her, smirking. "Your yukata. It's folded as if to go to a funeral."

She mentally screamed curses, ripping the sash off and tucking the right side of the dress in the correct way, not caring she was temporarily exposed. _Well_ excuse _me, Mr. Perfect._

He smiled at her embarrassment before handing their daughter a jacket. "Here." Sarada meekly took it and laughed a little. _Daddy never notices her_ _except to point something out. He's clueless._

Sakura meanwhile fumed. Under normal circumstances she would never have made such a mistake, but she was just distracted right now. Couldn't help it. Flushed, she finished tying the sash again and stormed out, kicking her soaked sandals to the side.

 _ARGH! Why was he so blind!?_

_-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-_

Which brought them all to here, around Orochimaru's table, the snake himself, Taka, the Uchiha family and Team Konohamaru, Boruto and Mitsuki (having arrived first). The table was absolutely covered with a number of dishes, mostly bowls of noodles that had apparently been cooking before they had even arrived as it was nearing supper time. Along with the soup, all manner of spices were set aside, originating from all corners of the globe, wine too. Everything was of the finest quality. Orochimaru was still a man of wealth and power, just one in hiding.

They all ate their fill and as the day ebbed on, the wine lessened in amount.

"Only the best, for my Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru had said.

"Ugh, miiine," drawled Sakura, making the kids laugh.

Then: "So you trained under him?" Boruto asked.

"For a few years," Sasuke answered briskly, finishing his glass.

"Then you taught me..." he continued, piquing the snake's interest.

"Really," Orochimaru said, "I never saw him as the sensei type. Then again I never saw him as the heterosexual type either, I always figured he was _a_ , you know."

Suigetsu busted out laughing and Karin elbowed him. "Shut up, obnoxious!"

Sakura's face went beet red. Sasuke just bowed his head, bangs covering his expression.

Boruto immediately changed the subject back to training. "So does that mean I know some of Orochi's jutsu? I mean, he's supposed to be one of the three legendary sages, after all. I bet I'm just as strong as even him now!"

Now Orochimaru was really interested. "Are you?"

"I dunno."

"You know there's a sparring room right next to here, why don't we convene in there after we're finished eating? I would love to see your progress, being son to not only your energetic Senju father but your mother and all her purebred chakra."

"Orochimaru-sama..." Karin complained, swirling the last of her wine around, staring at it like a long-lost love. Like the one seated across from her with his wife and kid. "We're eating. It's best to rest after—"

"Ah, who cares," Suigetsu deadpanned, causing the woman to growl at him and the big man, Juugo to sigh. "There they go again..."

Laughing, Suigetsu got up from the table, leaving, then returned with some bottles. he passed one to Orochimaru and threw one to Sasuke who caught it perfectly. "This still your favorite?"

"Hn."

Sasuke ignored Sakura's glare.

"What's up, Pinky, you want one too?" Suigetsu asked, pointing towards the kitchen where the cooler would be. "Just to your left. We got stuff great for mixing too, all kinds of fruit juices in case you want something girly, like a margarita or this one martini that Karin loves—"

"All the finest quality," bragged Orochimaru.

"No. I'm a medic, you know. And I don't appreciate you guys drinking alcohol in front of my child. Or the Hokage's, _especiall_ y his."

"But you're drinking wine..."

"That's different."

"Oh _sure_ it is."

After the meal was finished, the boys and Sakura made their way to the sparring grounds. Karin pulled Sarada to the side. "Come on," she said. "I want to get you replacements for your glasses."

The girl protested. "Can we do that later? I want to stay with my dad."

Karin blushed. "Oh yeah...I wonder if he's gonna spar..." The redhead was silent for a moment, fingers wringing at her tie, her breath heavy with the scent of liquor. "To see him..."

Sarada blinked. "Do you still love my dad?"

"OF COURSE NOT! I'M HAPPY HE'S HAPPY!"

Sarada smirked. " _Suuuuuure_ you are." And Karin began crying, to which the young girl patted her back, thankful she wasn't an adult. A drunk one at that. Sasuke's sudden intrusion back into her life had definitely unsettled something.

By the time they arrived in sparring grounds, an area separated by a barred rail, Boruto was fighting Mitsuki, a very eager man watching them. "Outstanding! He knows both the Rasengan and Chidori at his age! He's a prodigy just like my Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke frowned, not liking this at all. "I told him not to point it at anyone. His father too. He'll kill me if he finds out that he's using it against Mitsuki...He'll get angry just knowing we came here."

Sarada pushed her way to stand beside her dad. "Does the Hokage know Mitsuki's Orochimaru's son?"

"Honestly...I don't know."

"How could he not?"

"Because he's that stupid."

"You shouldn't refer to him as that..."

Sakura sighed, leaning her head against Sasuke's shoulder. "He says a lot of mean things...Don't you Sasuke-kun?"

"And you're drunk."

"Am not." She hiccuped. "I don't drink your trash! I'm a classy and—" _Hiccup._ "— _refined_ lady, you brute!"

"You may not drink what I do, but you've had ten cups of wine...I counted."

"But it's so goooood. He's got some fiiiiiiiiine wine." After a moment of cuddling with him and getting nothing back, she scoffed. " _Rich_ people. _Pft_."

"Hey ma?" Sarada said, delicately. "Can I see you and dad fight now?"

"WHAT?!"

"No, I don't mean like an argument, I mean in a spar. Like, who would win?"

Sakura smiled, nearly falling down as Sasuke moved away from her. "I would, dear. My super strength."

"Please. It takes more than that to win in a fight, Sakura. Now, please, get to bed."

"Nah, I wanna fight. I wanna ki..." She stopped herself, blushing. _I wanna kiss already. Then more._

" _TAKE THAT! GENTLE FIST AND RASENGAN"_ The room flickered with violent flashes of chakra before one long-lasting finishing flash, causing Misuki to stagger backwards in all-too obvious defeat, groaning.

"BORUTO!" Sasuke exclaimed, leaping over the rail and rushing towards the center of the huge stage. "What did I tell you about doing that?!"

Sakura was only two steps behind him. "Mitsuki!"

Frantically, she began healing him with her medical ninjutsu, hands glowing green.

Knowing his son would be fine, Orochimaru clicked his tongue in disappointment at Sasuke. "Oh Sasuke, he just combined the Fourth's jutsu with the long-passed down style of the Hyuuga clan. Why in the Sage's name would you hold his potential back?" he demanded.

 _Because he's not my son, but my responsibility._ But Sasuke did not say it outloud, merely glared at the boy and leaned in, whispering, "Do not do things to catch that man's interests. Cool it, hot-shot." There was too much potential in Boruto for Orochimaru to pass up easily. At least the Old him, but Sasuke didn't want to take any chances.

"But Uncle..."

"Just listen to me. As your sensei."

Groaning, Boruto kicked at the ground and sighed. "Okay, but I still don't see what the big deal is. Here, up, Mitsuki." He held out his hand, helping him once Sakura backed away. The pale boy moaned. "Ah...my pressure points! I can still barely move!"

"You think that's scary, you should see my sister," Boruto retorted. "She got real ticked off and _boom!_ With white eyes she took my old man out _with just a single finger_! It was terrifying. I thought she was gonna kill me!"

Sasuke could not clamp his hand over his student's mouth soon enough this time.

"Really," Orochimaru cried with excitement, clapping his hands. "A single finger! Hah! Has she managed to activate the Byakugan with her impure chak—"

Sasuke was on him in a matter of half a second. "Shut. Up. His family is of no business to you."

Orochimaru smiled, having no fear of Sasuke, unlike everyone else. "Why are you so _protective_ of him? Eh, Sasuke-kun? Afraid of a repeat?"

"Just. Shut. Up."

"Very well, I think I will retire to my room for the night and leave you with your family." He turned to leave, obviously towards the direction of his lab where a lot of his research scrolls were. He now knew everything there was to know in his sheltered home. "Oh, and do be kind and not kill me in bed again."

Once had disappeared, Sakura slowly approached Sasuke again, having been standing near by him the entire time. "Thank you, Sasuke. I know he's changed but still...We're dangling a lot of the past he loves in front of him. People were always his toys."

"I know..."

Delicately, she laced her fingers around his lone arm. "Can we spar? Since we're here?"

"Your drunk," he murmured.

"You too."

Suddenly Orochimaru's voice slithered behind them from nowhere, causing Sakura to nearly leap out of her skin, "Holy Sage, the world's ending. Sasuke-kun is smiling! We're all going to be killed. Hear that, children, we're all going to die tonight!"

"GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY, YOU DRUNK SNAKE!"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun! I'm just a bit!"

"NOW!"

"Come Mitsuki, son...Let's leave these people be."

"I guess...Goodnight everyone!"

Mitsuki left with his father this time, leaving only the Taka and Sarada and Boruto with Sasuke and Sakura.

"Come on, Sensei!" Boruto exclaimed. "I wanna see you and Sakura go!"

"Yeah!" Suigetsu called out, voice slurring somehow with just the one single word. He chugged an entire can of beer before tossing it to the floor with a burp. He then pulled another can out. He would be the one with the hangover tomorrow. Sasuke instinctively put it to memory to avoid him and leave first thing in the morning.

Juugo was the only one who was sober besides the kids. He never drank, afraid it would trigger his fits. "I don't think they should..."

"Ahhh, whysnot? Cuzthey're-patners?"

"That's _partners_ ," Karin hissed, sipping her own glass, a martini, slowly. "And it's because the differences between their levels. Even missing a limb, he would just hold back on her because he's practically a god in his abilities."

Sasuke scoffed. "It's not that..."

"Who cares!" Sakura exclaimed. "Love can conquer any wall, isn't that right, Sarada!?"

Her daughter face-palmed and Boruto shook his head. "Wow. You're more corny than my old man."

Suigetsu busted out laughing while Karin slowly made her way to the exit, crying to herself in her drunken state, "I used to think the same thing then I got a Chidori to the heart...Literally!"

Juugo started to after her, feeling bad for the girl, but knowing she was drunk and wouldn't appreciate it if she was sober held off. He needed to watch Suigetsu around the kids anyways. He was acting up in his excitement.

Suigetsu then grabbed his huge blade from its strap and slammed it into the ground shouting, "GO FOR IT SASGAY!-Whoops! I mean SAS-UKE, however you say it. HAHAHAHA!"

"Suigetsu, put the blade down!" Juugo roared, rushing for the drunken swordsman.

"Don't get your knick-ties in a twist. Jus' a playin'."

"Uke..." Boruto muttered. "Shark Teeth over there just said Sas... _uke_. Uke...I've heard that word before..."

Sarada nodded. "Isn't it a stringed instrument? The uke? Like a ukelele?"

"Nope!" Suigetsu cried happily, "It's when you—"

Juugo turned abruptly, eyes widened in horror. "Suigetsu just means the martial arts term! For practicing techniques with a partn—person! That's all!"

"Oh, of course. Go Uke-style Sasuke!" Boruto hollered causing Juugo to internally writhe.

" _Uke her_!"

Sakura nearly gagged and she couldn't even tell Boruto why. "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed, throwing a punch, not knowing what else to do. Sasuke, caught off guard by sheer embarrassment, received the blunt of the hit, and was thrown nearly eight feet away.

"Oh my gosh," Sakura cried, blanching. "I'm so sorry!"

Sasuke wiped the blood from his nose. He could not be dishonored so, his pride wouldn't allow it.

"Come on," he said, getting into a basic attack stance.

She smiled. "Really?"

"Let's get this over with." Then they were rushing at each was swift, dodging all of her attacks.

"SHANNARO!" she screamed, throwing a punch with a massive amount of chakra summoned to her fist. She missed, and the rock she hit shattered into a million pieces from the force.

"You're strong, Sakura, but announcing yourself just tells me you're attacking," he said calmly, darting past another fistful of chakra with perfect speed.

"ARGH!" she screamed with frustration after he dodged again. "But I didn't use chakra that time!"

"Mom!" Sarada called. "His Sharingan! You're using chakra and he can foresee it!"

"Oh, duh," she muttered, wanting to bop herself on the head. Well this time...

She started to run at him until somehow between him and the cracked-up floor she tumbled over, hand reaching for her leg. "Oh!" she cried, grimacing.

"Crap" he hissed, closing the distance between them. "Did you hurt your ank—"

He was launched through the air and landed on his back a number of feet away, groaning.

She smirked, lowering her fist. "Gotcha!"

"Cheap shot," he muttered, still laying there. Seeing this as an opportunity, Sakura crawled to him. "Dummy."

And then she straddled him, capturing his arm with her hands. "And you know what really ticks me off about your idiocy?"

"That I let my guard down so easily just now? Which is why I didn't want to spar in the first place; we're drunk."

She smiled. Of course he would only think of that. "No. It's your refusal to _kiss_ me. You dodge every time. But not now," she whispered teasingly. "You're pinned this time." Then she grinned, and leaned in, taking what was rightfully hers, his lips, a bit forcefully.

Sarada squealed with delight. "She finally got him! YAY!"

Suigetsu raised an eyebrow boredly. "A _kiss_? What's the big deal?"

"He's never kissed her. Just pokes her on the brow like his brother did to him. Me too," Sarada answered.

Sakura pulled back, breathing slowly. "Now, Sasuke-kun," she jeered. "Was that _so bad_?"

He lay there, breathless. Completely breathless. _Speechless._

Then finally, a chuckle. A chuckle!

"No."

The contact...had felt good. He wanted another, and not only that he actually wanted to participate this time, and he did so as she let him go, absorbing her grape-flavored mouth.

Boruto moaned in disgust, as did Suigetsu. "Ew."

After a moment like this, her hands started to claw at his yukata. "I miss you," she whispered. "It's been forever."

Boruto, noticing but not having heard Sakura's soft words, nudged Sarada. "Does your dad have something on his clothes that I'm not seeing or does...oh." He now realized what was happening. "Wow."

Sarada blinked, just as much taken for surprise. "Wow, they're _that_ drunk!"

"I don't think it's exactly that," Suigetsu said, watching with a bit more interest now. "He's held back on himself for so long. But I think she's about to break that barrier again. Your conception would have been the first and only time until now."

"Wait—what?"

"Okay," Juugo cut in, "that's enough for all you guys." Already Sasuke's yukata had fallen to his waist. Hers would be next. "Off to bed!" he shouted, trying to usher them out before the drunken woman was exposed.

" _What?"_ the two kids protested. "Bed?!"

"Now!" the previously gentle giant roared, now looking terrifying with his face flushed and red eyes.

They rushed out, fleeing for their lives.

Then Juugo had to practically pry Suigetsu away from the rail— "But he's about to uke!" he cried, Juugo screaming back "His instrument's not for you to hear or see!" — before things got _really_ heated. And they got very heated, very quickly. Especially once the room was clear of everyone and there was no holding back their intoxicated rush. They went all the way and once done "playing" some time later, to Sasuke's relief, Sakura quickly fell to sleep.

She now laid curled up into him. After a moment of soaking it all in and slowing his breath down, he pulled one of the stripped yukatas over them, covering them as much as he could. They were both a mess with sweat and telltale bruises, hers less obvious than his, although, not because he held back, he hadn't in fact, but because of her monstrous strength. "Wow," he breathed. It had been a lot better than their first time.

If it was a battle, she had won, taking him by storm.

Then it struck him, making it all the more the worse. Boruto was somewhere, here, at Orochimaru's labyrinth, without his supervision and he was just laying here, having indulged himself and Sakura to the point of pure blissful exhaustion. He would no doubt fall asleep soon too, not even making it to the shower, let alone bed. And what if the kids decided to wake up early from their drunk-free sleep,unlike them, and decided to play spar and saw him in such a state here? Man. Naruto would kill him.

 _No._ He groaned. Naruto would do worse than kill him. He _wouldn't_ kill him _,_ that was the worse. His image would be gone and Naruto would tease him forever. He had been _uke_ d.

But of course, Sasuke thought to himself, Naruto didn't have to know any of this happened. Sasuke could keep his eyes on the kids yet.

 **_-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-_**

The following day, Sarada mysteriously had a pair of entirely new glasses not originating from Konoha and the Hokage received a mission report in the form of a short series of emails spanned throughout the day, although each point was abnormally shorter than usual, and went as follows, leaving him with a lot of unanswered questions but backed accounts:

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _**Rogues escaped before storm.**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _**I figured**_ _._

The lack of prisoners for Ibiki and still-missing scroll proved this.

Two hours later: **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _**Took shelter in field.**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **The storm was awful last night so what do you mean you took shelter in the field?!**_ **D: The poor kids!**

Their chakra coordinates proved this. Sasuke didn't explain further, only went straight ahead to the next part of the report an half hour later: _**Mitsuki received medical aid from previous injury.**_

Pictures followed. Naruto frowned, seeing how the bruises lining Mitsuki's body followed his pressure points. What kind of sicko...

He quickly typed, _**But I thought the rogues escaped before confrontation? How'd he get hurt enough for Sakura's medical aid?**_

Again, Sasuke didn't answer. Just sent the next report, five hours later.

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _**Intoxication levels spiked temporarily in Sakura.**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **Where would she have gotten booze from, huh Sasuke?! You were in the wilderness! And I told you to not bring any because you were with kids this time!**_

This he honestly had already known. He had Sakura's _BAC_ level tested after she threw up on his desk a few hours before. It didn't help she had acted batty and had tried to hide a very huge and expensive looking bottle in her pack, giddily so, as if it was for a celebrations of some sort. Sasuke no doubt knew he couldn't hide the fact she was intoxicated by now.

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _**Search for Water Rogues failed. I request to track them down again. ALONE. This time**_ —

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **Of course**_ **T.T**

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _ **With Sakura.**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **Wait...What?!**_

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _ **Oh, and keep close surveillance around Himawari. And Boruto really. Odd activity regarding certain persons outside Konoha's gates could be imminent.**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **WTF!? O.O**_

 **UCHIHA SASUKE:** _ **Oh, and you misspelled your username. It's "Orange". Not "Orang".**_

 **THEORANGSEVENTHHOKAGE:** _ **Don't change the friggin subject and**_ —

 ***UCHIHASASUKE** **has logged out***

 **_-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-_**

 **TO BE CONTINUED? Requests? Review!**


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